Lead! But be yourself. Discover how God wired you to be a Leader. But it might not be what you expected. Pick up this light-hearted field manual discover six leadership styles that could change how you look at children's ministry and team building. 

Introduction: The Myth of the Perfect Leader

Picture the perfect leader. Got that person in mind?

What does he or she look like? Does your perfect leader have the charisma of a Kennedy, good looks worthy of People Magazine, and the genius of a Stephen Hawking?

The Myth of the Perfect Leader permeates our society. We love believing that somewhere out there is a man or woman who’s able to defend us from our enemies, provide a chicken in every pot, make the sun shine a little brighter, and be a role model for our children.

We desperately want to believe in this do-all and end-all Perfect Leader. Unfortunately, churches have bought into the myth of the Perfect Leader, too. We want a pastor who preaches like Billy Graham, counsels like Dr. Phil, budgets like Donald Trump, strategizes like General Patton, comforts like Mother Teresa, and inspires like Bill Clinton—and we want the leader to perform each of these functions with equal levels of brilliance.

Perhaps we long for a Perfect Leader because we feel the need for a strong warrior to tame our dangerous world. Or maybe it’s because we want our Perfect Leader to give us a dream worth chasing.

Whatever the cause, here’s the bottom line: Most people are looking for a leader who can do all, be all, and solve all. One person who’ll be everything we need.

Friend, that sets you and me up for failure.

Why? Because when we’re introduced as the “leader” of a children’s ministry—even if our entire organization consists of ourselves and two volunteers—people compare us against the myth of the perfect leader.

Even worse, we compare ourselves against that myth.

Everyone who measures herself or himself against that perfect-leader yardstick feels inadequate. Buy into the myth and you’ll either kill yourself by trying to live up to it, or you’ll feel inadequate and underachieving.

Either choice is an ugly one, because both options force you to distort whom God has called and equipped you to be. When we try to be someone God didn’t wire us to be, we make it very hard for God to use us.

For example, let’s look at the characteristics of a “five-star” children’s ministry. A Perfect Leader would, by definition, do an excellent job in these five areas of leadership:

• Describing a Promised Land —providing a vibrant vision about where the ministry can be and how it can look in the future;

• Providing Road Maps —describing in detail the steps that will lead to seeing the vision actualized and to reaching the desired Promised Land;

• Tending to the Toolbox —guaranteeing that all the skills and knowledge needed to do ministry are available and current at all times;

• Keeping the Ministry Heart-Healthy —attending to interpersonal and morale issues and encouraging the troops to grow spiritually as they march forward into the future; and

• Providing Muscle —leading the charge by organizing and executing all the tasks that must be accomplished to move your ministry forward.

Quite the job description!

One Leader Can’t Do It All
Think about the people God has placed in your ministry. In your church. In your country .

Is there really one person who can hang all five of the stars in your ministry constellation? No way—it’s not possible. No one person can get all these jobs accomplished without destroying his or her health, marriage, and friendship with God. The job is too great.

There is no Perfect Leader who’s going to be able to do it all in your children’s ministry. Not someone else…not you. Nobody can do it alone.

Still not convinced? If you’re in the United States, visit www.census.gov and look up how many children under the age of 14 live in your county. If you live in another country, check your government’s census information Web site for the same information.

Now plug the appropriate number into the following statement and read it aloud: “The mission of my children’s ministry is to help _________ children enter into a growing friendship with Jesus. I’ll make that happen this year.”

Still think there’s a Perfect Leader out there somewhere who could live up to that mission statement? Who could fulfill all five of the leadership functions with excellence?

I didn’t think so.

So here and now let’s declare the Myth of the Perfect Leader dead and gone. It’s time to admit you’re not that Perfect Leader… I’m not that Perfect Leader…that Perfect Leader doesn’t exist .

But that’s not a problem—because your ministry can still have all five leadership stars represented and in place. There’s a better way for that to happen.

How to Have All Five Stars in Your Children’s Ministry
If we’ve just killed off the Perfect Leader, who’s going to be in charge?

Apparently mere mortals—like us.

It’s time we return to the biblical concept of leadership responsibilities being shared by a team. I’m not saying that God doesn’t appoint point people within every congregation to be the final authority for a ministry. But no point person can be expected to embody all five stars. In situations where the entire burden is placed on one person, it’s inevitable that a falling-star sighting will follow.

God’s put you in your role, which means that how he wired you to lead others will work. It just won’t work if you insist on trying to handle all the leadership functions yourself or if you pretend to be the Perfect Leader who can cover all the bases.

Imagine how dramatically you could improve your ministry—and your own attitude—if you led others from your strengths instead of feeling like a misfit. How secure would you feel if you didn’t have to fret about whether your leadership style was okay?

Things would get better, trust me. They got better for me—and they will for you.

Here’s a leadership fact that’s also a leadership weakness: We tend to surround ourselves with people who think like we do. It’s easier and more comfortable. Nobody challenges us. That’s the up side.

The down side is that you (and I) can’t deliver five-star leadership all on our own. We need other leaders whose different styles of leadership complement our styles. Those leaders are the people best able to compensate for our weaknesses.

Plus, your children’s ministry doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Your church is filled with pastors, lay leaders, financial officers, and potential volunteers—each one of them has the ability to influence your ministry in a positive or negative direction. By discovering the unique way that God made you and other leaders in your church, you’ll begin to serve in the context of an authentic biblical community. You’ll know where you fit best, and how to lead in ways that serve others.

That’s how we live out our responsibility “to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12-13).

Excerpted from Larry Shallenberger’s book, Lead the Way God Made You: Discovering Your Leadership Style in Children’s Ministry (Group Publishing). An excellent tool for assessing your leadership style is at the Web site associated with the book: http://www.childrensministry.com/leadership_test/?WT.mc_id=20050411_CM

Copyright © 2005 by Larry Shallenberger