Children’s Ministry Innoculates Children to Great Commission?

March 13, 2011 in Leadership with 18 Comments

 

Repost: This article was originally posted in 2009. I wrote an article for Children’s Ministry Magazine based off the experience that was just published.

I had an interesting experience presenting atWillowcreek’s Conspire Conference  yesterday. I presented Lyon and Kinnaman’s research regarding how the unchurched and de-churched perceive the church. (They view the church as 1) hypocritical, 2) judgemental, 3) anti-homosexual, 4) intellectually and culturally sheltered, 5) too focused on conversions, and 6) too political.)
This matters to children’s ministries because young families are less likely to return to the church once they have children then they would have been 20 years ago. In the eighties, young parents would return to church to give their children “values” or a “moral compass.” They wanted their children to have religion. They might not have understood what it meant to be a Christ follower, but they viewed the church to be like a spiritual scouting program that would help mold their children to be model citizens.

However, today’s dechurched and unchurched families are more likely to view the church as petri dishes of intolerance and bigotry. They don’t want to raise rigid children who are unable to love and respect others. So they keep their children away from our ministries.

This is a problem, and it’s not merely an image problem. Those six themes are points of repentance for the church. I challenged the participants to imagine a children ministry that challenged those points. What lessons could they teach that would help children understand that God loves people regardless of their rebellion to him? How could we emphasize heroes like MLK Jr who stood up to unjustice? How could we teach children to serve others simply because they are Divine image bearers?

I was surprised by the resistance I got. The concern was that if we teach our children to have concern for “bad kids” and to befriend them that their character would suffer. We talked about the risks of raising children who were serious about bringing Jesus to all the children  in their classrooms.  Proverbs does say that bad company corrupts good character. But on the other hand, the savior of our children dined with famous sinners. If our children are to imitate Jesus they are going to need to learn how to enjoy the rough kids in their class without being changed by them.

I realized that those six perceptions of outsiders are evidence that we Evangelicals operate under a fortress mentality. We build our wall so we can feel good about ourselves by creating an Us-Them game. But we also build these walls in a sincere but misguided effort to protect our children.

I’m mulling this tension between protecting our children and raising Christ-followers. Some initial thoughts:

  • There are no guarentees in parenting. There are no formulas.
  • God loves our children. He is not asking us to discard our own children to reach the lost.
  • If we raise children to hide  behind our “fortress” they will grow up living behind the fortress.
  • If our children watch us repairing our walls by being judgmental and hypocritical, they will grow up to do the same thing.
  • There is no way to eliminate risk in the parenting process. (I’m the father of three sons).
  • We need to challenge our children at age appropriate levels. I’m NOT advocating tossing our kids to the wolves.
  • We still don’t believe that the two Great Loves are among the “Fundementals.”

I’m convinced that children’s pastors need to cast a vision to families to raise children willing to serve and love lost people. One workshop participant ask me if we could teach children to love their classmates without being friends with them. The answer, in a word is “no.” Jesus ENJOYED the moral misfits. We need to teach our children do the same. The only prophylactic we can offer our children to guard again sin is love. If our children are passionate about loving God and loving their neighbor (all of them) they will less likely to contaminate themselves. Life inside the fortress builds boredom, cynicism, and legalism in our kids.

During the workshop God prompted me to share the parable of the talents. I didn’t. I whimped out. Here’s what I should have said: “God has given us children to develop. We are to multiply their talents and passions. We are to give them a passion for lost people. If we bury these young “talents” in an effort to not lose them, even for the most noble of reasons, we become the evil and lazy servant. “

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  • http://www.from30kfeet.com Rob

    As I read this post, I just kept thinking: Parents can’t lead their kids where they are not. As a children’s pastor, I find myself with opportunities to serve people with some pretty messed up lives. I try not to sheild my own kids from this but instead expose them to how to love people no matter what. I find in these situations that I am pushed to trust God.

  • katiewilliams

    This is why we’ve chosen to keep our kids in public school. As they grow they continue to learn how to express their faith and share it with others in less than friendly environments. We’ve always taught them that while God doesn’t like all the choices people make, he loves all the people and so should we. We’ve had our scary moments with our kids being tempted with some very satan-like influences, but because we stay connected and involved, we’ve been able to walk with them through choosing the better path.

  • http://ministry-to-children.com Tony Kummer

    Thanks for writing this post. Being in-the-world but not of-the-world is a constant balancing act. I think it gets even harder when we’re trying to lead kids in areas where we are still trying to figure out.

    Back to the 6 things you started with. I really appreciate how you said each was an opportunity for repentance. I think really living the Gospel daily would answer many of these:

    1) hypocritical – not if we remember we need God’s grace even on our best “spiritual” days

    2) judgmental – When we see our own sin, it’s very hard to judge others “Be merciful to me, a sinner.”

    3) anti-homosexual – Obviously there is no class of sinners worse than the self-righteous. So maybe we can do better at loving gay people too. Rick Warren’s church does a great job on this point, but they still call him names.

    4) intellectually and culturally sheltered – Tim Keller does good work showing the Gospel should promote culture.

    5) too focused on conversions – Too much focused on verbal conversions rather than conversion of a person’s life & heart. Even non-religious people would love to have more people that really act like Jesus in their lives.

    6) too political – did Jesus set up a political kingdom? the Gospel changes society from the individual out, not from the government down

  • http://thetruevyne.blogspot,.com truevyne

    This is why I read your blog. Such great and deep thinking! We should never take for granted anything in children’s ministry. I first heard that phrase “innoculated against the Gospel” some years ago, and it chilled me to the bone thinking of America. I wept during my trip to China sharing the name of Jesus who had NEVER heard it before.
    The whole quandry of loving the lost and keeping our own children innocent strikes a chord within me. Before we had children, my husband and I relocated to the inner city to be a light to the lost in a very dark place. Seven years into it and three babies later, my husband came home and said, “I cannot do this anymore. I can’t hear you tell me AGAIN that the police are looking for a gun in the yard in which my children play. I can’t go to work wondering if you or my sons will be in the middle of gang warefare.” So, we pulled up stakes, and I’ve had to
    redefine the call on my heart. By God’s grace, I’m still able to do in part this work with “the least of these”- children.
    As a parent, the line of protecting our children and loving the lost is a very difficult line to navigate. I don’t want my children to feel “used to”
    divorce, drugs, alcoholics, baby drama, abuse. These are not common in the lives of my own family, but we know plenty of this outside our home. As some of my children have entered public middle and high school from homeschool, they have come to see their home as a gift and shelter from the chaos in other kid’s lives. And my children have so much compassion and friendship to give to those in turmoil. It’s amazing and beautiful to watch them offer peace to the hopeless kids they’ve met.
    I get the bottom line on all your points. I wish I could have come to your session. You posed such great questions. For me, it’s creating a sacred space for children and adults to develop relationship to Jesus and hear His Voice for themselves. The issue of role models you spoke about is easily found in the stories of missionaries and saints for the older child. Bring on the real unabridged stories of Hudson Taylor, Gladys Aylward, Eric Liddle, even MLK and Harriet Tubman. We can’t short change our children with wild worship, and a snarky lesson on a value, and a cross word or coloring sheet. Where’s the in depth Bible Study? Where is the quiet place to hear the still small voice of God for oneself? Why ramp little kids up and expect them to come down in the same hour to a place of peace? I’m not saying there is no place for excitement- please let’s have the crazy fun stuff on occasion- instead of it being the norm. But let’s go for depth like never before.
    This week I led 7-10 year old real boys through an intense comparison of the Last Supper in the four gospel accounts, and they were utterly rapt up in it. I could see the astonishment on their faces seeing details of one gospel filling in a “hole” in another. Who were the two unnamed disciples Jesus called to prepare the passover in one gospel? The next gospel would answer Peter and John. Why is John’s account so different and longer than the other accounts? What was said about Judas in each account? This coming week the boy’s whistles are wet to hear what exactly happens at the Mount of Olives when Jesus is arrested.
    Please keep challenging and questioning the models into which the evangelicals have fallen. We want to keep our own children in the faith and gather the lost with us simultaneously.

  • http://www.jabberfrog.com jabberfrog

    Wish I could have been in the session with you. You’d find me sitting in the ‘amen’ corner. Our tendency to protect our kids from bad influences trumps our calling to Love God and Love Others.

    It’s easier to build the walls and live in the shelter. It’s tougher to teach your child how to influence others more than they are influenced. That requires greater involvement and attention.

  • http://elementalcm.wordpress.com henryjz

    Larry, I think you handled the situation well. I was surprised, sitting there, when the discussion went in that direction.

    I just want to share one thing that my son (9-year-old) said tonight as we were driving back to the hotel from dinner. He had asked why some people choose not to believe in God. My wife said they either don’t think God exists, they think they are doing fine on their own, don’t want anyone to boss them around, or they think God is about a bunch of rules. My son said, “Well if we’re put in a forest, we’ll get lost without a guide.” Then my wife said that people just don’t get that God loves them. My son answered, “Well, then we should probably start loving people better as much as we love ourselves so that they know how much God loves them.” Needless to say, I couldn’t see clearly for a while after he shared that… Just thought I’d brag on my son :)

  • http://rindywalton.com Rindy Walton

    I’ve been having this discussion with a friend for a couple of years…she and her husband are parents of 4 boys and they don’t allow them to even play with the neighborhood kids who are not Christian. This in a small, very safe, everyone knows everyone town. But because they are not Christian, she feels they “could be a bad influence”.

    My guys have grown up seeing good and bad (not the extremes that truevyne describes, but not sheltered either). We discuss these, point out the positive and negative, talk about “why”, and express opinions in a safe way/time. Teaching kids to think and discern…with guidance (and yes, your own opinions)…allows them to grow up into thinking and discerning adults. It’s too bad we too often don’t give kids enough credit!

    Who better than to give the right examples than parents and children’s ministries working together!!!

  • glenwoods

    I have had similar thoughts and conversations. I affirm what you are saying. However, let me offer a brief personal anecdote and ask how you might have counseled me as a 6th grade impressionable boy.

    I grew up on a block from first grade through 6th grade with the same group of boys. We played together, hung out together, and so on. Even after 6th grade we went to the same schools, played on sports teams and saw each other through high school.

    But in 6th grade I made a decision which impacted our relationship. They were starting to engage into some behavior which could and did have moral and legal repercussions, so I decided to stop hanging out with them. Part of this was due to how they were starting to treat me as a son of a police officer who also happened to arrest their older brothers and even some of their fathers. I chose to stop hanging out and not to engage in their behaviors. They became defacto enemies. I tried to stay away and they often pursued me to engage me in fights.

    My parents never once tried to influence me to stop hanging with them. They simply raised me to make good decisions. The decision I made to part ways was strictly my own.

    In light of what you shared above, would you have counseled me to continue to be their friends and hang with them, but simply not to engage in their behavior?

    I ask this question because I see similar opportunities and threats in the lives of kids I pastor today. Sorry this is so long, but I really am interested to learn how you would respond.

  • Larry

    Glenn,

    I think you needed to do what God led you to do. My oldest son made a similar decision within the past year or so. Amy and I held our breath, prayed a lot, and then watched. (We would have intervened if necessary).

    Beuckner has a great line: “Principles are what we have instead of God.”

    Glenn, I guess the question I have asked you is “What is God asking?”

    My objections are about the culture were are building that keeps our children from imagining sharing Jesus with those “on the outside.”

  • http://www.glenwoods.wordpress.com Glen Woods

    Thank you for your helpful reply Larry. I agree with what you are saying. I just wanted to pose my experience as a bit of a counterpoint. Sounds like your family has walked through it recently as well. I feel most alive when I am doing life among and with those outside the church. I am thankful I am in a situation where I have freedom to do that on a daily basis!

  • http://www.kidsatmosaic.blogspot.com Carla

    Excellent post and I am so encouraged that you were bold enough to share this even with the resistance! henry and jabberfrog – I am with you. Thank you for the thought provoking discussion!

  • http://childrensministryandculture.wordpress.com/ Larry Shallenberger

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  • http://www.jonathancliff.com Jonathan Cliff

    I remember this article. Much of the contents of the book “UnChristian” inspired my wife and I to enter the world of foster care. We desperately wanted our kids to grow us with a heart for serving, not being served.

    Thanks for the reminder.

  • http://www.jonathancliff.com Jonathan Cliff

    I remember this article. Much of the contents of the book “UnChristian” inspired my wife and I to enter the world of foster care. We desperately wanted our kids to grow us with a heart for serving, not being served.

    Thanks for the reminder.

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